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Poems

What are the funny poem you have heard?
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Comments

  • !Back-0ff!!Back-0ff! Posts: 159
    Have you heard this one?
    Excuses Excuses.

    Late again blenkinsopp?
    Whats the excuse this time?
    Not my fault sir.
    Who's fault is it then?
    Grandma's sir.
    Grandma's?What did she do?
    She died sir.
    Died?
    She seriously dead alright sir.
    That makes four grandmothers this term Blenkinsopp
    And all on PE days.
    I know.It's very upsetting sir.
    how many grandmothers have you got Blenkinsopp?
    Grandmothers sir?None sir.
    You said you had four.
    All dead sir.
    What about yesterday Blenkisopp?
    What about yesterday sir?
    You were absent yesterday.
    That was the dentist sir.
    The dentist died?
    No sir,My teeth sir.
    You missed the maths test Blenkinsopp!
    I've been looking forward to it sir.
    Right,line up for PE.
    Can't sir.
    No such word as "can't" Blenkinsopp
    No kit sir.
    Where is it?
    Home sir.
    What is it doing at home?
    Not ironed sir.
    Couldn't you iron it?
    Can't sir.
    Why not.
    Bad hand sir.
    Who usually does it?
    Grandma sir.
    Why couldn't she do it?
    Dead sir.

  • KhadeeeeeKhadeeeee Posts: 33 Pool Player
    edited August 2015
    My Favourite:
    On The Ning Nang Nong (BY:Spike Milligan)

    On the Ning Nang Nong
    Where the Cows go B ong!
    and the monkeys all say BOO!
    There's a Nong Nang Ning
    Where the trees go Ping!
    And the tea pots jibber jabber joo.
    On the Nong Ning Nang
    All the mice go Clang
    And you just can't catch 'em when they do!
    So its Ning Nang Nong
    Cows go B ong!
    Nong Nang Ning
    Trees go ping
    Nong Ning Nang
    The mice go Clang
    What a noisy place to belong
    is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!!
  • Nanny OggNanny Ogg Growing Old DisgracefullyPosts: 10,440 Pool Forum Veteran
    edited August 2015
    I've moved it since no-one's reading this thread, sorry.
    Post edited by Nanny Ogg on
  • !Back-0ff!!Back-0ff! Posts: 159
    did you read mine?
  • Nanny OggNanny Ogg Growing Old DisgracefullyPosts: 10,440 Pool Forum Veteran
    Yes it's very good :)
  • Nanny OggNanny Ogg Growing Old DisgracefullyPosts: 10,440 Pool Forum Veteran
    you're welcome
  • BIG-DOG1509BIG-DOG1509 Posts: 1,481
    Read the poem English is Tough Part of "Chaos" , the initial lines are which I have learned:
    Dearest Creature in creation,
    Study English pronunciation.
    I will teach you in my verse
    Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.
    I will keep you Suzy, busy,
    Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
    Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
    So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

    Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
    Dies and diet, lord and word,
    Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
    Now I will surely not plague you
    with such words as plaque and ague.
    But be careful how you speak:
    Say break and steak, but bleak and streak
    Cloven, oven, how and low,
    Script, receipt, show, poem and toe.
  • predsfan20predsfan20 Posts: 156 Pool Pro
    The poems kept on going when i kept on scrolling, so i gave up
  • Nanny OggNanny Ogg Growing Old DisgracefullyPosts: 10,440 Pool Forum Veteran
    that doesn't even rhyme LOL :D
  • BIG-DOG1509BIG-DOG1509 Posts: 1,481
    AurELFora wrote: »
    Read the poem English is Tough Part of "Chaos" , the initial lines are which I have learned:
    Dearest Creature in creation,
    Study English pronunciation.
    I will teach you in my verse
    Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.
    I will keep you Suzy, busy,
    Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
    Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
    So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

    Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
    Dies and diet, lord and word,
    Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
    Now I will surely not plague you
    with such words as plaque and ague.
    But be careful how you speak:
    Say break and steak, but bleak and streak
    Cloven, oven, how and low,
    Script, receipt, show, poem and toe.

    Nice one. I'm not sure how to pronounce them all.

    Nor am I :lol: Just liked it and used this poem to ridicule those kids who say Im a great speaker of English, I say OK! read this poem .... He fails to read then I say Now you behave.
  • Nanny OggNanny Ogg Growing Old DisgracefullyPosts: 10,440 Pool Forum Veteran

    Dearest Creature in creation,
    Study English pronunciation.
    I will teach you in my vurse
    Sounds like corps, cor, horse and wurse.
    I will keep you Soozy, bizzy,
    Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
    Teer in eye, your dress will tare.
    So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

    Just compare heart, beerd, and herd,
    Dies and diyet, lord and wurd,
    Sord and sword, retain and Brittun.
    Now I will surely not playg you
    with such words as plack and aygew.
    But be careful how you speak:
    Say brake and stake, but bleek and streek
    Cloven, uven, how and lo,
    Script, reseet, sho, poem and to.


    I have edited your poem to include phonetic spellings for the confused LOL
  • BIG-DOG1509BIG-DOG1509 Posts: 1,481
    Thanks Nanny O, you just make me spoke like Brittun's people's accent.
  • Nanny OggNanny Ogg Growing Old DisgracefullyPosts: 10,440 Pool Forum Veteran
  • SilentR4ySilentR4y Machismo Town Posts: 2,460 Pool Champion
    spoke like Brittun's people's accent.

    You just drink fast very hot tea to burn your tongue a little, this works too :D
  • Nanny OggNanny Ogg Growing Old DisgracefullyPosts: 10,440 Pool Forum Veteran
    LOL I've never heard that one but I have heard if you want to sound like you're from the deep south you just suck a lemon lol
  • darksidemikedarksidemike Posts: 1,139
    edited December 2015
    Hey ya'll, we ain't be talkin' at each udder likes dat... I reckon' dem gosh dern stereo typicals from over yonder thinks we ain't be edjamacated or sumptin'...
  • creativehottycreativehotty STILL THE GREAT WHITE NORTHPosts: 1,933 Pool Champion
    Hey ya'll, we ain't be talkin' at each udder likes dat... I guess dem gosh dern stereo typicals from over yonder thinks we ain't be edjamacated or sumptin'...

    u forgot reckon haha
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